Land of Fog
My first drive across the Golden Gate Bridge, since having a San Francisco zipcode.
Three hundred sixty five days, in some cases three hundred and sixty six. There are about two hours left today, July first two thousand twenty three. I am sitting atop my mattress which is on the floor of my apartment on Fell Street, on the North side of the Pan Handle. The concept of a year is so funny.
Last year, I was reeling in my last two weeks of summer post college graduation, before going to Alaska for a month to visit my Grandpa and help my Aunt out. Now my Grandpa is dead and I live in San Francisco.
Last year I wanted nothing more than to have a legitimate reason to move to LA. The reason being a full time job. The closest thing I got was a part time one and a babysitting gig. Both of which occurred at beautiful homes in Los Angeles. Working for people who exist on a financial echelon I think exists for the people who remain as them and not me. Both of which required me to split time between my ex-boyfriend’s grody house in the best neighborhood and my parents’ home fifty miles away. I think now as I sit truly amongst and within an unknown situation, I look back at last year fondly. My Grandfather was still alive and talking about college classes was not embarrassing.
I knew what I knew last year. I knew what I wanted and where I wanted to be. A year later I am in a city that to be honest I talked down upon, but am realizing that it is really so much prettier and unlike LA. It feels cleaner and methodical. People are people here, nobody is a somebody (or so it seems). It is subdued and different than what I am used to.
People from here welcome me and offer condolences for my years spent in “the south” as if it is a place made for great escaping. I loved where I grew up, it was pleasant and sunny and sandy when needed. It feels so odd going back after having left. There is a fissure now. It is the place where I am from, but not where I live. Things change and the unknowns keep multiplying hiding behind the San Francisco Fog.
