Searching for a Sign(s)
Caltrans needs a new copywriter. I have been driving around looking for any sign I can get. I want an open road nothing around, except an electronic billboard with orange letters telling me something I need to hear (read). Except all I am getting is:
DRIVE HIGH GET DUI
CLICK IT OR TICKET
These are not my favorite, but they rhyme. I saw one some time ago that really sucked:
DRIVE SOBER SAVE LIVES NOT WRONG WAY
The sentiment is sound, but it sounds so wrong in my brain. Do without “NOT WRONG WAY” and it would be fine. If drunk drivers are always on the wrong side of the road they would be seeing the back of the billboard and missing the whole point–They would be missing their sign! Although unlikely, I still can (barely) imagine a drunk driver seeing these blurry orange letters and turning around, pulling over and sobering up. Is reading a sign when it is meant for you always this easy/convenient/clear?
In 1976, Joan Didion wrote “Bureaucrats” about the Caltrans Operations Center. The essay has a certain Wizard of Oz behind the curtain quality to it. People in a building. In an office, which lacks windows, and they are staring at a screen (a Xerox Sigma V). Didion describes these men in the windowless room watching a display of lights tell them things every twenty seconds. How many drivers are driving the 42 mile loop, “the rough triangle formed by the intersections of the Santa Monica, the San Diego and Harbor freeways” (Didion, “Bureaucrats”). The essay goes on to explain pilot programs Caltrans was hoping to implement. There was the introduction of the Diamond lane, but the one that makes me think of this windowless room and light up boards and computers and the word Xerox, was regarding information being broadcasted on electronic billboards–the ones by the freeways. The ones we have today, dedicated to drunks behind wheels, people who do not wear seatbelts, and how many minutes away we are from LAX or SFO. In 1976, Caltrans hoped these orange letters would help inform motorists’ decisions, ease traffic, and alter a driver’s driving patterns. Didion included a quote from Eleanor Woods, a Caltrans planning specialist. Woods explains, “With the message boards we hoped to learn if motorists would modify their behavior according to what we told them on the boards.” Not even two lines later, it comes out these message board have done absolutely nothing to alter a driver’s behavior. Just big orange million dollar letters broadcasted for us to ignore. Men in chairs looking at lights and numbers, stagnant, while people in cars were outside moving, or stuck, on the freeway.
I have been spending almost anytime when I am alone and out and about looking for signs. I have come across some, but I am unsure if they are directing me anywhere or trying to avert my attention towards something I have been missing. I am confused and feeling like there is no more map, but hoping there are men in a windowless room hoping to predict best possible outcomes and the fastest way there for me. Or I hope a God is listening. I have taken note of signs I have come across which are as follows:
In Dana Point, out front two thrift stores I saw signs advertising avocados and firewood. Thrift Store Avocados. Thrift Store Firewood. I do not imagine that they are used, but maybe you could buy two halves of avocado for the price of one, and pick up a few partially singed, but not quite burnt to a crisp yet logs. Or maybe they are perfectly fine and just cheap. I am still deciphering what this could mean, maybe you can find “things” (whatever they are in any case) not in the conventional places, but it does not mean it is anything less than.
Back in San Francisco, I saw a piece of paper taped on a wall reading “Wet Paint/Thank you.” I really do not know the necessity of the thank you. Is it a thank you for your cooperation/patience/help/kindness/understanding? In any case, “you are welcome.” Could it be about not being embarrassed about telling people what is actually going on and if you need time to dry out (maybe tears, or like having to do laundry instead of laying in the park).
Earlier the same Wet Paint/Thank You day, I saw someone had taken advantage of wet concrete. They etched “Love is the answer.” A lofty lame statement. Love is not the answer, it is a dog from hell! I just took it as a reminder I am in San Francisco and there used to be hippies (re: Summer of Love). Because frankly what is being asked and why would love be the answer? I just think of those test prompts that instructed the test taker to choose the best answer, thus implying there is a good answer, but it is not good enough–it is not the best. Do I think love is the answer to the questions stuck in my brain? Absolutely not. However, for those of you in a state of love or something near that, I hope your rose colored glasses never get stepped on or scratched and you can keep etching these baseless statements, because I am sure for someone it is a sign.
I saw some graffiti that was great. In black ink on a telephone pole, someone declared “I <3 hoes”. It is honest and simple and needs no further explanation.
There was a garage open that belonged to a yellow house. And in the garage of the yellow house was a yellow car. It matched and I loved it. Objects can be signs. In this case a butter yellow victorian with a butter yellow Volvo that matched, parked in the garage made sense. Am I on the linear path finally? Will I have a house and a car to match the house later? Am I crazy?
When I drove to the southland (Southern California) two weeks ago for a retreat that was supposed to be about tan lines, but turned into one about having tears–even when wearing a bikini–I was sitting in traffic next to Dodger’s stadium. The sun was out, it was fantastic, and there was a plane dragging a banner. Growing up seeing this particular silhouette dragging along the coast always meant summer had arrived. So, I sat in traffic looking at this plane wondering what it was advertising. It was a blue banner with a singular sperm superimposed on top of the sky blue background. It was crass, scientific, and unexplained. This was something I really was unsure about. I am still grappling with the whole concept of plane plus sperm equals ??? Maybe with a little perspective it will all make sense.
I saw this older gentleman I met once while we were both waiting for the bus. He did not recognize me, but I did him. I overheard him tell his friend that “Carlos spilled a whole glass of wine.” Last time when I saw him on the same bus at the same time more or less he left (what I imagine to be the same restaurant where this Carlos character spilled a whole glass of wine) with the restaurant’s glass in tow. But seeing him again made me think of two things. One being if I take the 5:30 soulcycle class and take the 24 home I will see him again. Two, seeing this older man again means I am where I am supposed to be. When I get to chat with strangers (particularly those that are over 60) I feel like the universe is giving me something.
I have been on the prowl for these signs. Attempting to decipher what it is I should know. Frankly, they do not make sense, and life will never be sensical (is this the point?) . Maybe all anything is, is coincidental (good and bad) and to deal with everything we come across, we have to think about it in another way. That is why there are state birds, I imagine. Or patron saints of ___. It is a kind of selfish delusion, feeling like you can assign something a definition. It is all controlling the coincidence, instead of letting it wash over you.
I wish things were as clear as the billboard in L.A. Story. The billboard specifically tells Steve Martin (and only him) things that would clear up confusion in his life. I wish Caltrans could do something for me, but instead they are working on awful tag lines and taking forever to pave the five. The one thing they have done that makes me crack up is on the same stretch of the freeway, the 101, there are streets in San Francisco called Cesar Chavez and Vermont. In Los Angeles, also via the 101 you can get off on Vermont and Cesar Chavez. Not sure if that is a sign at all or just a coincidence, is it even ironic?
